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“Malibu’s Most Wanted Quotes” is a 2003 comedy movie directed by John Whitesell, starring Jamie Kennedy, Taye Diggs, Anthony Anderson, and Regina Hall. The film follows the story of Brad “B-Rad” Gluck man, a privileged white boy from Malibu who wants to be a gangster rapper.
However, his father, who is running for governor, is embarrassed by his son’s behavior and hires two black actors to pose as gang members and kidnap him to scare him straight.
The movie is known for its humor, satire, and parody of the rap and hip-hop culture. In this article, we’ll explore the most memorable and hilarious quotes from “Malibu’s Most Wanted.”
“Yoh, I’m the baddest of the bad, I’m the best of the best, I’m Malibu’s most wanted!” – B-Rad
B-Rad (played by Jamie Kennedy) is a privileged white rapper who aspires to be a hardcore gangster, despite growing up in a wealthy family in Malibu. He is convinced that he is the toughest and coolest rapper in the game, even though he has no real street cred.
“Don’t be a hat in’.” – B-Rad
This is B-Rad’s catchphrase, which he uses whenever someone criticizes him or disagrees with him. It is a way for him to deflect criticism and pretend that he is above it all.
“Yoh, you’re not from the streets, you’re from Malibu!” – Ronnie Rizzat
Ronnie Rizzat (played by Anthony Anderson) is a real gangster who is hired by B-Rad’s father to scare him straight. He is incredulous at B-Rad’s claims that he is a gangster and reminds him that he is from a privileged background.
“I don’t know what’s harder, being black or being a woman.” – Shondra
Shondra (played by Regina Hall) is B-Rad’s ex-girlfriend who is tired of his ridiculous antics. She is a strong and independent woman who has to deal with the double oppression of being black and female.
“We’re not playing house, B-Rad. This is a stick-up.” – Sean
Sean (played by Taye Diggs) is a real gangster who kidnaps B-Rad in order to get a ransom from his father. He is exasperated by B-Rad’s cluelessness and has to constantly remind him that this is not a game.
“You better step off before I start tripping’, homes.” – Tec
Tec (played by Damien Dante Wayans) is one of B-Rad’s would-be gangster friends who is also in on the kidnapping plot. He is always trying to act tough and impress B-Rad but is actually quite cowardly.
“We’re not gonna kill him, we’re just gonna scare him a little bit.” – PJ
PJ (played by Blair Underwood) is B-Rad’s father who is running for governor of California. He is embarrassed by his son’s antics and hires Ronnie Rizzat and his crew to scare him straight.
“This isn’t Malibu’s Most Wanted, this is Malibu’s Most Stupid.” – Sean
This is Sean’s assessment of B-Rad’s ridiculous attempts to act like a gangster. He is constantly mocking B-Rad and pointing out how foolish he looks.
“I know you aren’t gonna try to play me like no sucka, ’cause that would be unwise.” – Ronnie Rizzat
Ronnie Rizzat is a real gangster who is not afraid to use violence to get what he wants. He is always reminding B-Rad of this fact and trying to scare him straight.
“You know what your problem is? You’re a racist. You think just cause I’m white, I’m automatically a joke.” – B-Rad
This is B-Rad’s attempt to defend himself against accusations that he is not a real rapper. He believes that people are discriminating against him because he is white, rather than because he has no talent or credibility.
“I’m the most wanted rapper in Malibu, and I’m white.” – B-Rad
B-Rad is a privileged white kid from Malibu who thinks he’s black and wants to become a rapper. He often boasts about his “street cred” even though he’s never experienced any real hardship.
“I’m gonna be more than a wannabe, I’m gonna be a real be.” – B-Rad
Despite his lack of talent, B-Rad is determined to make it as a rapper. He often talks about his dreams of becoming a famous musician and impressing his father, a senator.
“I’ve been shot at, I’ve been stabbed, I’ve been in car chases.” – B-Rad
B-Rad tries to convince his friends that he’s tough and has been through many dangerous situations. In reality, he’s never experienced any real danger.
“You can’t handle the B-Rad.” – B-Rad
B-Rad often uses this catchphrase to intimidate others and assert his dominance. However, he usually ends up embarrassing himself instead.
“You’re not from the streets, you’re from Malibu.” – Shondra
Shondra is B-Rad’s love interest and tries to convince him to be true to himself. She often reminds him that he’s not from the streets and should embrace his privileged background.
“You’re a phony, a fake, a fraud.” – B-Rad’s Father
B-Rad’s father is disappointed in his son’s behavior and tries to get him to abandon his “gangsta” persona. He often scolds B-Rad for his lack of direction and immaturity.
“Do not make me unleash the fury.” – B-Rad
B-Rad uses this phrase when he feels threatened or disrespected. However, it usually has the opposite effect and makes him look even more foolish.
“I am not scared of no po-po.” – B-Rad
B-Rad often tries to act tough around the police, even though he has never been in any real trouble with the law.
“This isn’t no game, B-Rad. This is real life.” – Sean
Sean is B-Rad’s cousin and tries to teach him about the realities of life outside of Malibu. He often tells B-Rad to snap out of his fantasy world and start acting like a responsible adult.
“My rhymes are like bullets, they penetrate any surface.” – B-Rad
B-Rad often boasts about his skills as a rapper and compares his rhymes to lethal weapons. However, his raps are often nonsensical and lack any real substance.
“Let’s get our white boy back.” – Monster
Monster is a real gangster who is hired to scare B-Rad straight. However, he ends up bonding with B-Rad and his friends and helps them realize the error of their ways.
“You think you’re hard? Try living in a crack house for a week.” – Monster
The monster tries to teach B-Rad about the harsh realities of life on the streets. He often compares B-Rad’s privileged upbringing to the poverty and violence experienced by real gangsters.
“I need a song with some balling’ in it.” – B-Rad
B-Rad often talks about his love of bling and material possessions. He wants to make a rap song that celebrates his lavish lifestyle and shows off his wealth.
“They say that money can’t buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Ferrari.” – B-Rad
In this quote, B-Rad expresses his belief that material possessions can bring happiness, even if it’s superficial.
“Don’t judge me by the color of my skin, but by the content of my character.” – B-Rad
B-Rad uses this quote, which is a famous line from Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech, to try and convince his fellow gang members to accept him despite his privileged upbringing.
“I don’t need your pity, I need your love.” – B-Rad
B-Rad tells his father this after he becomes frustrated with his dad’s attempts to understand him. He wants his dad to accept him for who he is, not try to change him.
“I didn’t have a dad, I had a father figure.” – B-Rad
B-Rad reveals this to the camera crew in a vulnerable moment, expressing his disappointment that his real father wasn’t there for him while growing up.
“I’m not a poser, I’m an imposter.” – B-Rad
In this quote, B-Rad tries to differentiate himself from the other white rappers who he believes are just trying to be something they’re not. He sees himself as a true imposter, someone who is trying to be himself despite the expectations placed upon him.
“I’m blacker than you, Holmes!” – B-Rad
B-Rad says this to his African-American friend when he thinks he’s not being taken seriously. It’s a humorous attempt to prove that he’s more “street” than his friend.
“When life hands your lemons, make lemonade. When life hands you, Bazooka Joe, make a Bazooka.” – B-Rad
B-Rad uses this quote to express his ability to make the most out of any situation, no matter how difficult or unexpected it may be.
“I’m not a gangster, I’m just gangster.” – B-Rad
B-Rad tries to differentiate himself from the other gangsters he encounters by claiming that he’s not trying to be something he’s not. He’s just being himself, and he happens to have a certain “gangster” attitude.
“You gotta go out there and be somebody because I’ll tell you from experience, you don’t wanna be nobody.” – B-Rad’s dad
B-Rad’s father tries to motivate his son by telling him that he needs to strive for success and make a name for himself, otherwise, he’ll be forgotten and unimportant.
“You can’t just be white and rich and get away with everything.” – B-Rad’s dad
B-Rad’s father tries to impart some wisdom to his son by telling him that he can’t rely on his privilege to get him out of trouble. He needs to learn to be responsible and accountable for his actions.
“I’m not trying to be something I’m not, I’m just trying to be the best me I can be.” – B-Rad
B-Rad defends himself against accusations of being a poser by explaining that he’s not trying to be anyone else but himself.
“I don’t see color, I just see a fool.” – Shondra
Shondra expresses her frustration with B-Rad’s ignorance and lack of understanding when it comes to race and culture.
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42 Malibu’s Most Wanted Quotes
- “I’m B-Rad G, and I’m here to say, I love Malibu in a major way!”
- “I’m a gangster rapper, I’m not a f***in’ clown!”
- “I’m down with the bitches and hoes.”
- “It’s hard out here for a pimp named B-Rad.”
- “You can take me out of Malibu, but you can’t take the Malibu out of me.”
- “I’m like Vanilla Ice meets Eminem, but without the talent.”
- “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.”
- “I’ll pop a cap in your ass, just like they do in the hood.”
- “You can’t handle the truth, dog!”
- “My rhymes are so hot, they could start a fire.”
- “I’m the real Slim Shady, but with a tan.”
- “I’m the king of the ‘bus, and don’t you forget it!”
- “I’m like a mothaf***in’ superstar up in this joint!”
- “I’m a badass with a heart of gold.”
- “I’m not a rapper, I’m an artist.”
- “I got more rhymes than a Dr. Seuss book.”
- “I’ll kick your ass all the way back to the trailer park.”
- “I’m the bomb like napalm, baby!”
- “I’m B-Rad, I’m bad, and I’m here to make you sad.”
- “I’m not a stereotype, I’m a trendsetter.”
- “I’m from the ‘bus, and I don’t take no crap from nobody.”
- “I’ll bust a cap in your ass, and then I’ll drop a rhyme on your grave.”
- “I’m the real deal, the whole package, baby!”
- “I’m like a cross between Jay-Z and Jesus.”
- “I’m like a fish out of water, but with rhymes, that’ll make you hotter.”
- “I’m like a rapper, but with a trust fund.”
- “I’m B-Rad, the rhyming sensation.”
- “I’m not just a rapper, I’m a poet with a mic.”
- “I’m the one and only B-Rad, and I’m here to rock the mic.”
- “I’ll lay down a beat that’ll make your heart skip a beat.”
- “I’m the freshest thing to hit the rap scene since Tupac.”
- “I’ll make you laugh, I’ll make you cry, I’ll make you wanna die.”
- “I’m the hottest thing since sliced bread, baby.”
- “I’ll rap circles around you until you beg for mercy.”
- “I’m not just a rapper, I’m a philosopher with a beat.”
- “I’m like a comet, blazing through the rap universe.”
- “I’ll drop a rhyme so sick, it’ll make your head spin.”
- “I’m B-Rad, the rhyming sensation, the one and only.”
- “I’ll make your heart skip a beat, and your feet start to move.”
- “I’m not a wannabe, I’m a G, a gangster with a degree.”
- “I’m like a tiger, fierce and deadly on the mic.”
- “I’m not just a rapper, I’m a lifestyle.”
